Hey
Its about 650 and I am at home waiting for buka. For the uninformed, its the time of the day every muslim waits for during the fasting month.
It has been too long since I last posted. Well I have been really busy with school. But once again my life is falling apart so as you would have realized, whenever that happens, I rant incessantly to this screen I am looking at while I am typing away.
No, I have not resigned from the service. In fact, I am far from it. My whole life is about school these days. Sad as that might sound, I cant seem to remember doing anything else.
Everyday, I get up at 6 and I go to school. Somedays a lot earlier. This month, I get up at 430 for sahur and its too early to go to school but its too late to go back to sleep. So I end up just going to school anyways. Then I just sit around, mark or prepare for lessons or just put my head on the table and sleep. Those are never the good kinds of "sleep". But I rarely do that. I usually have overdue week due that day which I havent completed so I would usually work on that.
Then one by one my colleagues will stroll in eating their breakfast but I am cool with that. Cos soon enough the bell rings and the day begins. Curriculum time is usually thebest time of the day. Nothing much happens because everyone has classes.But the moment the bell for dismissal rings thats when work truly begins. I thought that third term was bad. Seems fourth term is even worse. I think its because the end of the school year is near, and so are the deadlines. And because I am new to all this, I wasnt truly prepared so its more difficult to deal with. This means I spend even more time in school. Most of the time till the gate uncle will come to the office chasing me out.
So I go home and we break fast. Then I indulge in a bit of television before heading off for prayers. (Most of the time, I indulge too much and "forgot" all about prayers) and I am back home. On days that I feel motivated and hardworking, I would continue with work. But usually I dont because I dont like the idea of having to work the whole day. So I just put my head on the pillow and I am fast asleep. And I go through this routine every single day.
The other reason why I say my life is all about school is that due to the amout of time I spend at work, I hang out with my colleagues very often. And they have become comfort solitude for me simply because we are all going through the same thing and we can relate to one another. We are able to understand whats going on without having to provide disclaimers or preview informations, or preludes. And I can trust that the information would not leak out from our social circle.
So I spend most of my time in school and with school friends. Its sad at times but I am under the belief that this is a sacrifice that I have to make if I am want to succeed in this school. I suppose this is the best time for me to do this because I am at a stage in my life where there is nothing holding me back. I dont have a girlfriend waiting for me to propose, neither do I have my own family to support. My mum is busy with my sis and them together with my dad seem to be happy leading their lives. There are the occasional financial glitches where I would come in to provide the necessary support. My brother is as far away as the sun. You can see him there very clearly but you can never reach. I am sure he is contented with the way things are as as long as he gets his monthly allowance from me ann I get out of his hair. My love life is virtually non existent. I have sufferred two bad break ups in the span of a year, both of which I sacrificed a lot for. So I am more wary and guarded these days. I go out but whenever the special girl comes along, I am always worried about how it would not work out and that keeps holding me back. Thats another story but all in all there is really nothing holding me back.
So I suppose I should do this whole give everything to my work thing simply because now I can. I hope that I dont get burned in the end where I work really hard and dont get my due credit. I handed in my work review today and told my RO of the track I wish to pursue. So I hope that helps. Apparently ranking has all been done and since he didnt say anything to me he said I dont have to worry about getting a D. But I really hope to get a B but it seems that BTs dont get Bs in their first year. So ill just have to wait for March and see. Its a little pressurizing for me because I think I have put in a lot of effort into this. And if I dont do well, its going to be really disappointing. I am just not sure if I am good at anything else, or if I want to do anything else.
I am going to be patient. If I am really good or capable, someone will see it and I will get my deserved credit. There is still a lot for me to learn in the field and I am going to take the time to learn it. When its time to be promoted, I will be promoted. There is no need to get too caught up in everything and losing sight of whats important. But if it means working very hard then ill work very hard. Even if I dont get anything out of it, at least my students will benefit from it.
Ok its time to break fast. Yeah!!! Finally. Have a good one everyone. My mum made chicken rice. Top notch.
Ciaoz
It has been too long since I last posted. Well I have been really busy with school. But once again my life is falling apart so as you would have realized, whenever that happens, I rant incessantly to this screen I am looking at while I am typing away.
No, I have not resigned from the service. In fact, I am far from it. My whole life is about school these days. Sad as that might sound, I cant seem to remember doing anything else.
Everyday, I get up at 6 and I go to school. Somedays a lot earlier. This month, I get up at 430 for sahur and its too early to go to school but its too late to go back to sleep. So I end up just going to school anyways. Then I just sit around, mark or prepare for lessons or just put my head on the table and sleep. Those are never the good kinds of "sleep". But I rarely do that. I usually have overdue week due that day which I havent completed so I would usually work on that.
Then one by one my colleagues will stroll in eating their breakfast but I am cool with that. Cos soon enough the bell rings and the day begins. Curriculum time is usually thebest time of the day. Nothing much happens because everyone has classes.But the moment the bell for dismissal rings thats when work truly begins. I thought that third term was bad. Seems fourth term is even worse. I think its because the end of the school year is near, and so are the deadlines. And because I am new to all this, I wasnt truly prepared so its more difficult to deal with. This means I spend even more time in school. Most of the time till the gate uncle will come to the office chasing me out.
So I go home and we break fast. Then I indulge in a bit of television before heading off for prayers. (Most of the time, I indulge too much and "forgot" all about prayers) and I am back home. On days that I feel motivated and hardworking, I would continue with work. But usually I dont because I dont like the idea of having to work the whole day. So I just put my head on the pillow and I am fast asleep. And I go through this routine every single day.
The other reason why I say my life is all about school is that due to the amout of time I spend at work, I hang out with my colleagues very often. And they have become comfort solitude for me simply because we are all going through the same thing and we can relate to one another. We are able to understand whats going on without having to provide disclaimers or preview informations, or preludes. And I can trust that the information would not leak out from our social circle.
So I spend most of my time in school and with school friends. Its sad at times but I am under the belief that this is a sacrifice that I have to make if I am want to succeed in this school. I suppose this is the best time for me to do this because I am at a stage in my life where there is nothing holding me back. I dont have a girlfriend waiting for me to propose, neither do I have my own family to support. My mum is busy with my sis and them together with my dad seem to be happy leading their lives. There are the occasional financial glitches where I would come in to provide the necessary support. My brother is as far away as the sun. You can see him there very clearly but you can never reach. I am sure he is contented with the way things are as as long as he gets his monthly allowance from me ann I get out of his hair. My love life is virtually non existent. I have sufferred two bad break ups in the span of a year, both of which I sacrificed a lot for. So I am more wary and guarded these days. I go out but whenever the special girl comes along, I am always worried about how it would not work out and that keeps holding me back. Thats another story but all in all there is really nothing holding me back.
So I suppose I should do this whole give everything to my work thing simply because now I can. I hope that I dont get burned in the end where I work really hard and dont get my due credit. I handed in my work review today and told my RO of the track I wish to pursue. So I hope that helps. Apparently ranking has all been done and since he didnt say anything to me he said I dont have to worry about getting a D. But I really hope to get a B but it seems that BTs dont get Bs in their first year. So ill just have to wait for March and see. Its a little pressurizing for me because I think I have put in a lot of effort into this. And if I dont do well, its going to be really disappointing. I am just not sure if I am good at anything else, or if I want to do anything else.
I am going to be patient. If I am really good or capable, someone will see it and I will get my deserved credit. There is still a lot for me to learn in the field and I am going to take the time to learn it. When its time to be promoted, I will be promoted. There is no need to get too caught up in everything and losing sight of whats important. But if it means working very hard then ill work very hard. Even if I dont get anything out of it, at least my students will benefit from it.
Ok its time to break fast. Yeah!!! Finally. Have a good one everyone. My mum made chicken rice. Top notch.
Ciaoz
posted by Superhero at 3:49 AM
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