Filial Piety

I think I was rude. And I don’t appreciate my folks enough. But I really don’t mean to be that way. Whenever she talks in that way, I get extremely defensive because I think she is accusing me of something I am not, or someone I really don’t wish to be. But she was right. I was being overtly sensitive and I did apologize to her in the end. She was still my mother, the woman I cannot live without. I need to get that into my thick skull and hope it resurfaces everytime I think about saying anything mean to her. She says I do it to my dad as well. But honestly, my defence is really just that I want them to get straight to the point when asking me anything and not beat about the bush before seeking the answer they actually want. But I have to stop this. This argument has made me realize that I need to be nicer to them. The fact that I treat everyone else the same way is not valid here because they really are “blood.” There is no running away from it and they have been there always. Just because I am adult now and am earning my own living , it does not mean that I am king of the world. I owe them too much to be like this and I am never going to be able to repay that. Not even when they pass on. I cant even bear to think about that. I will just die. I cannot live without them. I cant bear to lose them. Sigh. I am so not filial. Sorry Ma. Sorry Pa. I love You!