Overdue
This was supposed to be a posting that I drafted quite some time ago but i didnt have the time to post it or finsh it, but finally I have. My apologies to all for having to sigh in disappointment whenever you visited The Peak just to read the words Blind Loyalty again. As you would have figured, I havent had much time to spare whenever I was in front of the computer on top of tha fact that I had to deal with certain issues in life right now. Many would also be glad to know that i have edited the many mistakes on my profile which I was glad to do since it would be making many of my readers smile knowing that they were extremely irritated by it. Anyway, people this is gonna be a long one and you know it. So all the best.
Chinese New Year and Valentine's day went by and I spent these two festive and joyous occasions and I have always done so these past years. My dad couldnt get off from work for the two days cos unlike all his colleagues, he celebrates both Hari Raya and the Lunar New Year but they couldnt possibly give him off days on both occasions, especially when most of his colleagues are Chinese by ethnicity. I didnt really eat that much especially when they decided to make the main course of our annual reunion dinner "Nasi Bryani", a dish that I really cant stand. Yes yes, there are some types of food that Matan doesnt eat. Nevertheless I enjoyed celebrating this New Year cos it is a time to recoup some financial losses. As for V-day, I havent celebrated it for quite some time. Notwithstanding the fact that I dont really think we should make a big deal out of some day just because everyone else is doing so, it gets to you when you seen everyone else holding roses, hand in hand with their loved ones whispering sweet nothing into each others' ears, feeling loved, contented happy and most importantly un-alone. I sincerely believe that it is an innate nature within everyone to want to be with someone such that they would not feel lonely and no matter how much we profess that we love the single life, there are many a time when the feeling of loneliness hits you wishing you were in the position of these Valentines. Of course, the best thing to happen is when this someone is someone you are sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to. But usually these things dont happen to Matan. Even if they do, either he would screw up bad and lose everything or circumstances would never allow it to happen. More or less, that has been my love story for a very long time. But I cant really be complaining cos most of the time it a result of my own doing. So once again, no Valentine's Day celebration for me.
At this juncture, there are a few people that I would need to apologize to. To karikal lane, I am extremely sorry for my absence these past few days. I know I should at least give a word or two, but there have been occasions when I did attempt to do so but it was too late into the night. Other than that I have been really busy with school. Its not an excuse and I will not lie. My not being there has also a lot to do with the fact that I dont really know what to say. I suppose its becauseyou have been too nice a person and too great a friend for me to just dismiss the entire idea.However it did come as a shock especially after what we have agreed upon before. But I have done some thinking and doing the right thing i what I have decided. Its a hard decision but i suppose its for the best.
To the one between me and the sepeg, thanks for the lovely gesture and thanks for being a really great friend. I was truly touched and i truly appreciate the kindness you have shown. However I would need to apologize for the way I have been acting these past few days especially when you have made an effort to be nice. Yet i do stupid things and ac in weird ways. I am truly sorry. I wish I could tell you why but somehow I just cant. Nevrtheless you dont deserve to be treated in that way, and again I apologize. I think thats it for now for apologies. A lot of you wouldnt understand, but as you would have known, I cant really be too transparent in my entries for i seriously dont want to be hurting anyone;s feelings.
I am having a lot of trouble dealing with the things I need to do or the feats I need to achive n order to fulfil the various responibilites that have been entrusted. I need to be a responsible student that includes attending all my lectures and tutorials, submitting and finishing my assignments, tutorials and essays and being up to date with the lecture content and readings. I gathered at he beginning of this semester that the only way to do this effectively is to get to school on time, and spending my evenings in the library. I have only stepped into the library twice this semester. That means that I am very far behind in some lectures and most of the assignments havent been really good work, because they were usually done last minute. I have no excuse but I must say that most of the time, it is because i do not have a lot of time on my hands although there were some lazy moments when i just succumbed to sloth and proceeded home immediately after school.
I do not have time because, I reall think that it is my responsibility to earn as much money as I can. I have said these things before and I am sure everyone knows how tight I am right now fiancially. Work commitments therefore becomes a prority. Other than my MDIS assignment,I havent been really succesful in gettung a second tuition assgnment. Whats worse is that I have to do a lot just to make sure I continue being an MDIS tutor like attending seminars and courses, doing lesson plans, marking and making sure my supervisors like me. The salary although a lot for a tution assignment, will not be enough which leaves me to do NU Quest jobs like conducting corporate programmes and camps but I have to admit it takes up a lot of time. As it is I have skipped 2 lectures since school reopened because i was working. I have just been told by my boss to attend marketing proposals to schools for camps, because he wants me to start programme-directing these camps. This is a good thing because i get paid a lot more, but it also means less free time for myself because i need to meet clients and stuff, on top of coming up with proposals and planning programmes. But I really need the money. As it is I feel really bad asking from my dad money for petrol when I use the car most of the time. Whats worse, I think my phone bill this month is going to rocket sky high because of my incessant use and my mum is definitely going to scream since its under her name.
Speaking of my parents, I really need to start spending more time at home before they start making a lot of noise about treating the house as though it is a hotel. I cant really argue about that because they have every right to demand that of me because I am after all their eldest son. I feel even more guilty when they throw in reasons like being a role model to my siblings.They have always been right in everything and history have always shown that I must listen to them or suffer dire consequences. So i suppose I reallyneed to start being a responsible son.
I should never gorget about being responsible to my ownself. I used to call this being a responsible Azuan, and this includes making time for doing the things that I want to do. Ok its not really making sense but usually this includes stuff like working out and doing things i like to do.I havent been keeping to my exercise regime, in fact last week it was really bad cos i only worked out twice and I feel really bad about it. I really need to wake up like 6 or 7 in the morning to run because it is way too hot to run in the later part of the day these days, and I would risk not exercising at all because something important came up or friends asked me out or if I was just too lazy to get to the SRC.
I really need to be a more responsible Muslim. Considering that being a Muslim means following the Islamic route as a way of life, and that should be all encompassing, I think I should be more specific when it comes to the spiritual attainment I hope to achieve. For starters I have made resolutions to keep to all my prayers at the designated times but even such a small thing like that, I have failed to achieve. For the dont's, it hasnt been too successful either. There is a major sin that I have abstained from for the past 4 to 5 months, but everyone keeps telling me its just a matter of time or that the opportunity hasnt really been knocking on my door. Accordingly, to them, thats the true test. But other than that, I have been gossiping, being hypocritical and stuff so in that sense I am really far from being responsible from an Islamic perspective.
On top of all these things, everyone needs time off with friends and stuff. Considering I hardly have much of a love life, the time spent with close buds are something I treasure a lot and wouldnt give up. The last movie I watched was probably a really long time ago, and I havent really gone out for fun' s sake in a long time other than a superb session at Sentosa on the first day of Chinese New Year. For details on that, visit angelsoul. Oh yes, I hope its not too late to wish Happy New Year to all my Chinese mates, as well as to my Muslim brothers and sisters. May prosperity, bliss and happiness engulf you throughout this brand new year. For those who didnt know, the Lunar New Year and the Muslim New Year fell on the same day this year.
Thats it for now folks. I hoped that it was a good read. Hopefully, you wouldnt be disappointed in the next few days seeing the same line Over due again.
PS: Do visit me fellow mates' blogs for a greater insight into all our lives. I guarantee you entertainment.
Chinese New Year and Valentine's day went by and I spent these two festive and joyous occasions and I have always done so these past years. My dad couldnt get off from work for the two days cos unlike all his colleagues, he celebrates both Hari Raya and the Lunar New Year but they couldnt possibly give him off days on both occasions, especially when most of his colleagues are Chinese by ethnicity. I didnt really eat that much especially when they decided to make the main course of our annual reunion dinner "Nasi Bryani", a dish that I really cant stand. Yes yes, there are some types of food that Matan doesnt eat. Nevertheless I enjoyed celebrating this New Year cos it is a time to recoup some financial losses. As for V-day, I havent celebrated it for quite some time. Notwithstanding the fact that I dont really think we should make a big deal out of some day just because everyone else is doing so, it gets to you when you seen everyone else holding roses, hand in hand with their loved ones whispering sweet nothing into each others' ears, feeling loved, contented happy and most importantly un-alone. I sincerely believe that it is an innate nature within everyone to want to be with someone such that they would not feel lonely and no matter how much we profess that we love the single life, there are many a time when the feeling of loneliness hits you wishing you were in the position of these Valentines. Of course, the best thing to happen is when this someone is someone you are sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to. But usually these things dont happen to Matan. Even if they do, either he would screw up bad and lose everything or circumstances would never allow it to happen. More or less, that has been my love story for a very long time. But I cant really be complaining cos most of the time it a result of my own doing. So once again, no Valentine's Day celebration for me.
At this juncture, there are a few people that I would need to apologize to. To karikal lane, I am extremely sorry for my absence these past few days. I know I should at least give a word or two, but there have been occasions when I did attempt to do so but it was too late into the night. Other than that I have been really busy with school. Its not an excuse and I will not lie. My not being there has also a lot to do with the fact that I dont really know what to say. I suppose its becauseyou have been too nice a person and too great a friend for me to just dismiss the entire idea.However it did come as a shock especially after what we have agreed upon before. But I have done some thinking and doing the right thing i what I have decided. Its a hard decision but i suppose its for the best.
To the one between me and the sepeg, thanks for the lovely gesture and thanks for being a really great friend. I was truly touched and i truly appreciate the kindness you have shown. However I would need to apologize for the way I have been acting these past few days especially when you have made an effort to be nice. Yet i do stupid things and ac in weird ways. I am truly sorry. I wish I could tell you why but somehow I just cant. Nevrtheless you dont deserve to be treated in that way, and again I apologize. I think thats it for now for apologies. A lot of you wouldnt understand, but as you would have known, I cant really be too transparent in my entries for i seriously dont want to be hurting anyone;s feelings.
I am having a lot of trouble dealing with the things I need to do or the feats I need to achive n order to fulfil the various responibilites that have been entrusted. I need to be a responsible student that includes attending all my lectures and tutorials, submitting and finishing my assignments, tutorials and essays and being up to date with the lecture content and readings. I gathered at he beginning of this semester that the only way to do this effectively is to get to school on time, and spending my evenings in the library. I have only stepped into the library twice this semester. That means that I am very far behind in some lectures and most of the assignments havent been really good work, because they were usually done last minute. I have no excuse but I must say that most of the time, it is because i do not have a lot of time on my hands although there were some lazy moments when i just succumbed to sloth and proceeded home immediately after school.
I do not have time because, I reall think that it is my responsibility to earn as much money as I can. I have said these things before and I am sure everyone knows how tight I am right now fiancially. Work commitments therefore becomes a prority. Other than my MDIS assignment,I havent been really succesful in gettung a second tuition assgnment. Whats worse is that I have to do a lot just to make sure I continue being an MDIS tutor like attending seminars and courses, doing lesson plans, marking and making sure my supervisors like me. The salary although a lot for a tution assignment, will not be enough which leaves me to do NU Quest jobs like conducting corporate programmes and camps but I have to admit it takes up a lot of time. As it is I have skipped 2 lectures since school reopened because i was working. I have just been told by my boss to attend marketing proposals to schools for camps, because he wants me to start programme-directing these camps. This is a good thing because i get paid a lot more, but it also means less free time for myself because i need to meet clients and stuff, on top of coming up with proposals and planning programmes. But I really need the money. As it is I feel really bad asking from my dad money for petrol when I use the car most of the time. Whats worse, I think my phone bill this month is going to rocket sky high because of my incessant use and my mum is definitely going to scream since its under her name.
Speaking of my parents, I really need to start spending more time at home before they start making a lot of noise about treating the house as though it is a hotel. I cant really argue about that because they have every right to demand that of me because I am after all their eldest son. I feel even more guilty when they throw in reasons like being a role model to my siblings.They have always been right in everything and history have always shown that I must listen to them or suffer dire consequences. So i suppose I reallyneed to start being a responsible son.
I should never gorget about being responsible to my ownself. I used to call this being a responsible Azuan, and this includes making time for doing the things that I want to do. Ok its not really making sense but usually this includes stuff like working out and doing things i like to do.I havent been keeping to my exercise regime, in fact last week it was really bad cos i only worked out twice and I feel really bad about it. I really need to wake up like 6 or 7 in the morning to run because it is way too hot to run in the later part of the day these days, and I would risk not exercising at all because something important came up or friends asked me out or if I was just too lazy to get to the SRC.
I really need to be a more responsible Muslim. Considering that being a Muslim means following the Islamic route as a way of life, and that should be all encompassing, I think I should be more specific when it comes to the spiritual attainment I hope to achieve. For starters I have made resolutions to keep to all my prayers at the designated times but even such a small thing like that, I have failed to achieve. For the dont's, it hasnt been too successful either. There is a major sin that I have abstained from for the past 4 to 5 months, but everyone keeps telling me its just a matter of time or that the opportunity hasnt really been knocking on my door. Accordingly, to them, thats the true test. But other than that, I have been gossiping, being hypocritical and stuff so in that sense I am really far from being responsible from an Islamic perspective.
On top of all these things, everyone needs time off with friends and stuff. Considering I hardly have much of a love life, the time spent with close buds are something I treasure a lot and wouldnt give up. The last movie I watched was probably a really long time ago, and I havent really gone out for fun' s sake in a long time other than a superb session at Sentosa on the first day of Chinese New Year. For details on that, visit angelsoul. Oh yes, I hope its not too late to wish Happy New Year to all my Chinese mates, as well as to my Muslim brothers and sisters. May prosperity, bliss and happiness engulf you throughout this brand new year. For those who didnt know, the Lunar New Year and the Muslim New Year fell on the same day this year.
Thats it for now folks. I hoped that it was a good read. Hopefully, you wouldnt be disappointed in the next few days seeing the same line Over due again.
PS: Do visit me fellow mates' blogs for a greater insight into all our lives. I guarantee you entertainment.
posted by Superhero at 10:47 PM
3 Comments:
"Of course, the best thing to happen is when this someone is someone you are sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to."
So is that in (descending) order of importance?
Heh.
Good job on the update, matan.
PS. You don't like Nasi Briyani?? Are you ok?
Hey nana, No that is so NOT in order of importance, in fact I think if there was a pattern to make out of it, then it would be in ascending order of importance...hehe
ANd yes, I hate Nasi Bryani...I dont even eat it at weddings.
aaahhh...nice save.
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